Nicholas Higgins 02/07/2020

On Personal Responsibility

‘The son shall not suffer for the iniquity of the father, nor the father suffer for the iniquity of the son. The righteousness of the righteous shall be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon himself’, Ezekiel 18:20, NKJ Bible

Is this just another alt-right, neo-Jordan Peterson attack on the ‘culture of victimhood’ at large today? Maybe, but when is the last time you heard anyone stand up and say ‘it’s my fault, I was wrong’? Personal responsibility has not so much been rejected in recent years, the concept has ceased to exist. 

It’s puzzling because we are free wheeling, independent, autonomous creatures. Unlike the rest of the animal kingdom, we have free will, we have the special power to make choices, we can decide our own destinies. Yet still the modern world unanimously rejects Satre’s declaration, ‘man is fully responsible for his nature and his choices’. Now the opposite is true. Man is neither responsible for his nature nor his choices. 

This leads us down the rabbit hole of self-pity and blame. We spend large chunks of the day lamenting our circumstances, mulling the possible culprits responsible for the unhappy place we find ourselves in. Social media is awash with this culture of retribution: a strong sense of wanting to take offence, of hair trigger responses when confronted with a different viewpoint. Naturally becoming the victim gives an addictive ‘high’, being self-righteous and morally superior feels good.  

Once misfortune was explained as the mysterious ways of God, the suffering had a purpose, which would be revealed in the fulness of time. Now what makes misfortune meaningful is culpability. Someone must be to blame and it is never the victim. As Michael Foley puts it, ‘shit happens - but it is always some other shits fault’.

If we can’t pin down someone to blame we whinge, whine, moan, grumble and gripe. Why me? Why do these things always happen to me?! I don’t ‘deserve’ this, oh how great are my tribulations!

As Paul reminds us, ‘when I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things’. Truly what is more childish than ‘he made me, she made me…’ finger pointing, and if that failing, throwing your toys out the pram when things don’t go your way? 

A mature person, on the other hand, understands the fallen nature of Being; that struggle, toil and suffering are the ineradicable facts of human existence. Shakespeare knew it, we will all endure the ‘whips and scorns of time, the oppressors wrong, the proud man’s contumely, the prangs of dispriz’d love, the law’s delay, the insolence of office…’ We might not be able to stop these things happening to us. But we most definitely can control how we interpret what happens to us, as well as how we respond. In true stoic fashion, we can always be responsible for our responses. 

We can either turn to blame, self-pity and victimhood, or we can take up the mantle of responsibility. The latter is not just the more realistic path to take, it is wholly more constructive. It’s about wanting to mature and make the best out of the lot that’s been given us. It’s about learning from the inevitable struggles of life.

For example, having recently been rejected by numerous employers, I might have begun the ‘woe is me’ monologue, or blamed my parents or teachers for not preparing me for the job market. Alternatively, I could accept the rejection, take responsibility for the rejection (it was my fault for boozing too much at uni and not getting internships), and most importantly learn from the rejection (prepare for an interview and get some experience!). Whilst I am still woefully unemployed, owning the response to that tricky situation has allowed me to learn, change and grow into someone more employable.

This is not fun. Beginning to look at ourselves and our responses shakes us up a bit, it points the finger right back at you and holds you accountable. To take responsibility is to carry a monumental burden. How much more effortless to invite sympathy by feeling sorry for yourself; how easy to lay blame at the feet of your parents, teachers, boss, friends, co-workers, clients or spouse. How very much more difficult to look at where the real problem is - your own ‘inner citadel’, yourself. As Leo Tolstoy put it, ‘everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself’.

Wallowing in blame and self pity is easy. But does it help? To return to my employment prospects, feeling sorry for myself would’ve been a perfect recipe for further unemployment, further dissatisfaction, self-hate and anxiety. I would’ve remained stuck in my own status quo of negativity. I wouldn’t have thought to have changed. It would have kept me victimised. Owning my response, however, turned me from victim to victor, and allowed me to turn a bad situation into constructive, positive experience. Accepting responsibility for our problems is often the first step to solving them.

Yet sometimes problems aren’t our fault. People are abused, violated and screwed over. Countless people suffer depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. Everyone will witness death of loved ones. They are not to blame for these hideous and frightening things. Still, they are always respsonibioe for the choices they make in their wake. Choose to either let these inevitable struggles crush you and dispirit you. Or to turn them from a prison into a platform, as an opportunity for growth and hope.

Crap happens, but you always get to choose how you see things and how you react to things. Our choices govern our responses, and our responses are the only leverage that we have in each moment. So choose wisely. 

Burdening yourself with personal responsibility today is to take the road less travelled. It is to be liberated from the tyranny of blame, victimhood and entitlement. It is to lift the sails of destiny and become the captain of your ship. It is for those who no longer want to speak, think and be like a child.